Losing a Job

Hi. If you are reading this, the very first thing I want to say to you is, you are an awesome human, not defined by a badge or a title. I’m sorry for whatever brought you here, but I’m glad you came. Hopefully my writing helps you, or gives you just a shred of hope for what to do next. You are loved. You are not alone. You did not lose value because someone else couldn’t see it. Read that again until you believe it.

Losing your job is one of the biggest blows to the stomach. You suddenly have nothing to show for all of your hard work, education, and learning. You know deep down that your job is not who you are as a person and you shouldn’t put your WORTH as a human being in an inanimate object. But, let’s face it, you may begin to feel inadequate as a person, as though you no longer have purpose. Those first few days waking up with nowhere to go, no one looking for you . . .are . . .weird. The motivation to get up, get dressed, and do something “productive,” may be very low.

This first part is for you and making sure you sit right with what just happened. We will get to advice for supporters lower down. Remember that you are an awesome and amazing person. Your value as a person is not tied to a paycheck, a career, or a title. You are loved. You are not less worthy of being loved or cared for, because you are flying solo. You will figure out the rest, but the first part is to just give yourself some grace and remind yourself that you are not a bad person. You didn’t do anything wrong. People have to make decisions, and unfortunately, you are on the short end of the stick. But you are not a mistake, and you do not need to feel ashamed for something that happened TO you. Sulk, cry, punch a punching bag, work out, go for a walk. Feel however you are feeling. It is completely justified. But constantly remind yourself of this, because you will need your confidence to get back on that horse after falling off.

It’s so important to take care of your mental health in these moments. It’s so easy to FREAK OUT and start making drastic changes. Those first few days you may start wondering how you will pay your rent/mortgage, how are you going to eat, and just getting very anxious about not having money or a means to live your life. Take a deep breath. No, seriously, take a deep breath. You will have to come up with a plan and a strategy for how to move forward, but the day after you just found out doesn’t have to be it. Give yourself a couple of days to let things sink in and figure out how you truly feel. You may want to keep it to yourself at first, but it’s very important to have a village. So whatever your village looks like – family, spouse, friends, [former] coworkers – let people know what happened. And you can do this in waves. Maybe your closer friends and family first, and then weeks later, the others. But this is where the humbleness comes in. Let people know that you need their help. Most people that are truly on your side will do as much as they can to help you.

Pray, meditate, really get back to simplicity. Calm your brain. For me, I know God has bigger plans than what I can imagine and I have to lean into that. I surround myself with people of the same faith and ask them to pray for me. No one is beyond needing support. I will reiterate how humbling this process is, but people don’t know you need something unless you open your mouth to ask. So, put your pride aside and seek out those that you know may have the right words to say or just to listen and support you.

Below I will list some practical steps of things that need to happen, but I want to make sure I stress that you really have to take your own inventory and go through your feelings. It is so easy to move on to the next thing or become obsessed with job hunting and get burnt out from looking, getting rejected, filtering out scams, or what have you. So work out, sulk, Netflix and chill, pray, build something, cook yummy foods; spend time by yourself reflecting on who you are now that you don’t have your job to define you.

Steps to take:

Administrative

• Read through all the paperwork, check the deadlines. Make sure you get everything that is due to you. Consider having an attorney review things before you sign
• Delete your things from your company laptop. In the future, don’t have personal documents on your work computer, but if you do, make sure you get all your tax forms, your certificates, and documents that you won’t have access to that are yours like an updated resume you may have saved on there
• You’ll probably have to return things such as a laptop, monitor, cell phone, badge, corporate card, etc. Take pictures of everything and cc yourself on any final emails so that you will have the receipts
• Remember that you will lose access to your email and everyone’s email address and phone number. I do recommend sending a goodbye email with your contact information. Those that want to stay in touch, will at the very least send you a message. Everyone has a lot going on in their life. While this is HUGE for you, don’t assume that if someone doesn’t reach out, that they don’t care. They may be going through something as well, or didn’t see the email

Support

• This is mainly written for those in the Unites States of America. There are probably similar rules elsewhere. Check government assistance. The local and federal government have unemployment programs. Visit the websites, apply as soon as you can
• Apply for food assistance if needed. There are great programs out there if you are in need
• Figure out your health insurance. Typically if you are laid off, you can participate in COBRA (again, USA based). The company has to notify the government you were laid off and they will contact you. But do you homework, you don’t have to take that, you can get private, public, or Medicaid (not just for seniors)
• Apply for life insurance. It’s amazing all the things that a company may have paid for while you were an employee that you will no longer get

Self-Reflection

• Write down what you like and what you don’t like – figure out what type of job you are looking for; it doesn’t have to be what you were doing. I really enjoy watching videos on IKIGAI (youtube it) – the methodology of finding purpose
• Write down your qualifications and certifications. Do you want/need to get anything else to get to the next step?
• Take time to self-reflect. Journal, meditate, pray, ask friends about yourself. Sometimes a rejection is a redirection. Has there been something you’ve always wanted to do but you were scared to leave your job and do it? Are you interested in becoming an entrepreneur? Now is the time to seriously think about it. Do you have a talent that you’ve always wanted to make a career out of?
• What are your deal breakers? Were you a workahaolic? Would you do that again? Would you live in another country or move states? Open to changing industries or working for a non-profit? Do you need to make a strategic career move or could you do something fun?
• Be true to yourself. In the end corporations will make decisions on bodies based on numbers. Consider your stance on loyalty and how this season may change it; consider how you will navigate in the future and what safeguards you may put in place if you were ever in this situation again – keep up to date with your resume, always gain new skills, always save for a rainy day, etc.

Money

• Assess your finances. Figure out what is absolutely necessary to pay each month
• Consider calling companies and telling them your situation and if you can use forbearance or defer payments for a couple months
• Considering moving your credit card debt to a new credit card with 0% APR for a couple of months to help keep all your cash available
• Move your 401(k) if you want, out of the company (this may be a good idea if they are not doing so well or if you just want a clean break)
• Cancel things you don’t need – cable, expensive gyms, Hulu, Prime, etc
• Stop buying things. Log out of Amazon Prime. I’m serious, do it right now.
• Sell items you don’t want at a yard sale or online
• Start a side hustle business

Job Search

• Update your resume. Check out the new formats and see how people are making them; especially if you made one 10 years ago. The game has changed. Makes sure it is ATS-friendly (ATS = Applicant Tracking System; AI technology to filter out resumes for employers)
• Update your LinkedIn profile. Make sure it’s searchable. Have a updated professional-looking headshot (preferably facing forward) on there. Update the banner. The headline doesn’t have to be your latest job
• Reach out to recruiters. Search for some recruiter agencies, that may be able to help you.
• Reach out to people you know. Email yoru friends, tell them what you are looking for, attach your resume
• Attend networking events
• Every week day you should be doing at least one of the following things: applying for a job, looking for jobs, networking, finding job fairs or networking events, sending messages to recruiters or colleagues, reading up on the latest job searching strategies, updating your documents, or practicing for a mock interview.

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TIPS FOR SUPPORTERS

• Losing a job is also hard on the people surrounding the person. They don’t get to grieve because it’s not their issue but I see you. Warm faces, hugs, and memes/words of encouragement, are so beneficial
• Thank you for being a friend in this time. There is so much that your friend is going through that if you’ve never lost a job, you truly and really do not understand. Not your fault, but keep that in mind
• Alright, you may mean well, but please please please do not let the first question you ask every time you talk to or see your friend be “how’s the job search going?” This is such a loaded and triggering question. While it may seem innocent, it adds extra pressure and reminds the person of all the hard work they are doing that may not be showing any reward. Instead, just ask them how they are doing and if they need anything. Offer to buy them coffee or go on a walk. If they want to talk about it, it will come up. Think of it has an ugly divorce; they may not want to think about it every single day.
• Hang out at their place or your place. When you don’t know where your next paycheck will be, you don’t want to go splurging on brunches and dinners. Just watch a movie with some popcorn at one of your places. Keep it simple.
• If you do want to invite them to something, let them know the price and if they can’t go, they can’t go. Don’t make people feel even more bad for not being able to participate. If you want to treat them occasionally, cool, but don’t rub it in their face or hold it over their head later. A gift is a gift or it’s not if it will have strings attached.
• Advocate on their behalf. If you see something they would be a great fit for, forward the job to them, introduce the hiring manager to them, talk to the manager on their behalf, share their resume, connect them with your network. Actively try to help versus just saying “oh you’ll find something!” If you are not in their industry, review their resume, ask behavior-based questions to practice for interviews
• Be a distraction! Go paint a painting or fly kites or do anything that has absolutely nothing to do with finding a job. The break is so needed at times. And don’t require them to be “ON.” This could be an extremely depressing time for some and they may have less bandwidth than usual. So quit asking what’s wrong or why they aren’t smiling or laughing like normal. Just be cool
• Pray for them
• Go to talk shows and do fun things when you have a day off that you normally wouldn’t be able to do. Nothing like going to the beach on a random weekday

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I’m sure there are many more tips out there for anyone in this situation. The important thing is to not lose yourself. Do the work of looking for a job and search as hard as you can, but remember, there’s life to live every single day. Have fun at times, allow yourself to laugh, spend time with your family and friends that maybe you didn’t see as much as you would have liked. Read a book. Put together a puzzle. Go for a walk. Paint your nails. Clean your house. Plant a flower. Start a vegetable garden. Finish watching Lost. Rake the leaves. Sit and listen to the ocean. Listen to a podcast. Veg on the couch. Be still and do nothing. Figure out who you want to be when no is watching.

It’s not easy. At all. But you will get through it. We are all rooting for you.